“THROUGH THE ROUGH”

Today feels like a happy Friday!

This was a pretty good week. I wrote almost every day and am now halfway through the 3rd act of my screenplay! Basically, the end is in sight and I am thrilled about it, not to mention this draft (#13) feels like the real deal. I mean, it will definitely continue to be revised probably until it’s completely shot but I feel good about the groundwork.

I realized something kind of significant this week…because I’m prone to severe anxiety and depression (and the subsequent panic attacks, nightmares and the occasional night terror…) I will always have low times, some that will take me down for longer than others. HOWEVER, these times are temporary. I will always come out the other side.

I want to come clean about something…my recent bout of depression has probably been the longest lasting and worst I’ve personally experienced (maybe since 8th/9th grade). It’s been about a year and a half of down and it had started to feel like this was just going to be my life now. This week, I started to feel better, lighter, and hopeful rather than hopeless.

 

THROUGH THE ROUGH // 4.24.17

Full steam ahead.

Push through the

crowd.

Dust in the air,

coughing

to the ground.

Thoughts of fraud,

scrape off

knuckles.

Crunchy drips

that

stick

and prod.

Shake them off.

A little more

blood and

they’re gone.

Through the rough.

Heels stand

and lift,

Huron rising.

Fly off

before

the next storm.

If you know me, you tell me, but I don’t think I come across as a “depressed” person. It’s easy enough to go through the motions, smile and laugh, crack jokes about the dark stuff to distract from its realness. It just goes to show you, you never really know what someone is going through, no matter how “put together” and “happy go lucky” they may seem. (This is a big theme in my film, which I will certainly get more into in a future post.)

I have to believe that, and keep reminding myself, as long as I don’t give up, I will always come out on the other side.

As you may know, this week was the Tribeca Film Festival and I’ve had the opportunity to attend a couple of things. As exciting as the whole thing is, it presented a challenge to my good (but still fragile) mental health. After all the excitement, commuting home alone, I found myself starting to spiral…actually succeeding as a director in this industry is nearly impossible. “Getting there” requires extremely hard work, dedication to the point of insanity, the ability to network and a good amount of luck (among other factors), that’s all besides actually being able to make a good movie. It’s really a miracle anyone manages to do it. I got home, had a stiff drink and tried not to dwell on it.

The reason I know I’m “out of the rough” is that I woke up this morning, hope restored, did some yoga and wrote the sh*t out of one of the toughest scenes in my screenplay. I reminded myself that, it may seem impossible, but I have as good a chance as anyone else (and none at all, if I give up).

Have a great weekend!

[You’re not alone!]