“THE THING ABOUT DEPRESSION”

Cold open:

THE THING ABOUT DEPRESSION // 7.13.17

 

The suck

of the sand

underfoot,

in the time

between.

Always pulling,

No matter how far

out of mind,

out of reality…

but it doesn’t work that way.

There’s a pit

that gets you

deeper,

the longer

you stay in,

the longer you

stay away.

It’s a crater

in your soul.

An evolving crumble

that never gets furnished.

I always fall in,

like a blind dog

and a new foundation.

 

I’ve been in a little bit of a rut the past couple of weeks, having trouble scheduling my day to day again. I think it always harkens back to fear and getting lost in thinking too far ahead. Time is flying and it’s not that I’ve been completely standing still but I have not been working as hard as I could. It becomes painfully obvious when I speak to some of my friends/fellow filmmakers who are clearly busting their asses every day. The hard work is paying off, it shows and I’m so excited to see it happening for them. I know this comes in waves and sometimes I get in a real groove myself but it doesn’t feel good to be on the off swing. It makes me doubt myself.

I think part of it is the fear that, after all this time and work on my screenplay that I will never get to make the movie, because people won’t believe in it. Then, I’ll feel like I wasted years of my life on it and I don’t have something else ready to go and so on, and so forth…

Thinking about it becomes overwhelming and can definitely start a spiral.

 

Clearly, this kind of thought isn’t helpful for anyone and I’ve been really trying to be aware of when/how it starts. I have come up with a few strategies that help me get out, like writing about it, or starting a conversation with someone to refocus my mind. These methods aren’t perfect but they do help. Everything about life has ups and downs. I guess something reliable about it all is, if there is a “down” there must also be an “up.”

 

 

[You are not alone.]