“SWAMPED”

Ohhhh, the ups and downs of freelance life! Currently, I’m on an up (LITERALLY WRITING THIS ON A PLANE) and it feels great, mostly because I’m actually getting paid to be creative and it is AMAZING. I barely have time to do anything but work and sleep but right now, I don’t really mind.

 

I always find that my mental state is much more manageable when I am at my busiest. Even though this often comes with added job stress, I feel my best, most productive and “successful” self when I barely have time to think.

This is probably where that expression, “An idle mind is the devil’s playground,” comes from. And oh man, can I relate. When I end up with a lot of “free time,” it usually starts out decently but within a few days, my mind starts to go down a dark path of self doubt and discouragement. Boredom is my biggest enemy. It’s like a bland, fatty worm, taking up space but all of the dark places in my brain feed off of it and I have few defenses if it burrow too far in. (Sorry for the gross image…)

It’s weird (or maybe normal…) but when I have the least amount of free time, I’m usually able to fill it more productively (and that includes creatively).

SWAMPED // 8.25.17

Stability is an active mind.

Up to speed,

No time to think.

Receive and react

Flee quickly

Over languishing lakes,

without ruining shoe leather.

Sinkholes, that catch

An ankle

Or toe

now, too slow.

Heavy with

Tasks,

Another day

Bites the dust.

No time to stop

And mourn the loss

It’s already lunch time

tomorrow.

If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you’re aware that I sometimes struggle with that work/life balance. Even though I’m pretty good at feeding myself healthy, nutritious foods, I often put aside other self care efforts in favor of FOMO, over achieving, fear of failure, laziness…etc.

(Also, sorry to remind you about this, the saddest scene in a movie ever.)

This time, I have made a point to set a few more boundaries for myself with the job I’m currently on so that I don’t end up feeling resentful about the amount of OT hours I will not be paid for. I am also committed to setting time aside for my own work every week (with the help of the wonderful Filmshop!).

Things are feeling good. I don’t want to jinx it. I know this roller coaster life too well, what goes up must come down…Trying to make sure, if/when I do come down, that it’s a softer, more stable, landing.

I’m reminded very often lately, how important it is to, “stop and smell the roses,” to appreciate THIS moment. The beauty is in the fleeting! I’m trying to take time to do that, even if only for a few seconds a day!

All together now…

[You are not alone.]