“MOTIVATION”

Gotta keep this one short, because I’m on a deadline!

You know what they say, “when it rains, it pours,” which is exactly what I was hoping for, job-wise. HURRAY! This has been a good week! I have managed to make some progress on the current draft of my screenplay, as well as do some paid work (and booked another job for all of next week!). It’s going to be a bit of a crazy weekend and next week will be exhausting, for sure, BUT I welcome the challenge (and structure)!

When I have an extended stretch of time working from home, with only myself to hold me accountable, the idea of not being able to keep up with a rigorous schedule makes me anxious. I won’t lie, the hour after I say “yes” to an intense, possibly “high profile” job I start to doubt that I’ll be able to do it…that I’ll let everyone else down. Working for myself is safer, because if I fail, I only have to answer to myself. Of course, this is silly because once I step onto that job, it might be exhausting but I can absolutely handle it. I know this, I have proved it to myself time and time again, it’s just the anticipation and that (crippling) self doubt that starts to eat away at me.

I wrote this poem as a reminder that whether or not I’m “out of practice” I can do anything that I’m hired for, I just have to take that first step.

MOTIVATION // 4.6.17

 

Stopped at the gate.

toes dig in the dirt.

Carving my initials…

Wait.

Then the bell,

The shot,

Push.

Stumbling on that first step.

Muscles aching from

Lack of use.

Not lack,

Just out of practice.

Light weight.

Ease out the kinks,

sand out the eyes.

Work up to a run.

Don’t trip

Up the stairs.

Leap in

Water’s fine,

Drift

With its familiar current.

Guide,

Nose as rudder.

Come up,

For a breath

And paddle on.

[Here but not alone.]