“HEAVY”

Running late today because I had a (kind of intense) job all week (yay for jobs!).

To be honest I have been too busy this week to really think about anything other than the job I was on but this post will scratch the surface of something that has managed to come up despite the lack of brain space.

Do you all ever get stressed about the work/life balance? I think it’s something particularly hard to deal with while pursuing a career in the arts because chances are, your work doesn’t always feel like work and it’s hard (for me at least) to set aside time for legitimate “time off.” This is especially hard in the film industry because even if you have a structured schedule, you’re most likely working at least 10 hrs a day (more likely 12-14) and that “schedule” isn’t the same every week, or in my case, even day to day.

I didn’t have time to write a new poem this week and didn’t have one that captured this feeling exactly but this one works well enough.

HEAVY // 2.23.17

Heavy,

on hearts and heads.

Pressure under

eyelids.

Challenge to

work on it,

amidst instant living

kind of life.

Move on.

Something else

could be better

might be worse.

Tempting spirits

who won’t know

unless you try.

But we have

something,

better than most nothings.

My “time off” gets filled up very quickly, between writing, networking, working on projects in different stages and sleeping (I need my sleep)…before I know it the week has flown by and I’ve made 0 time to hang out with my boyfriend, or call my parents and they feel neglected, ignored, like I don’t love them…etc. I get frustrated when they tell me these things because it’s not like I didn’t call them on purpose, it’s just that I was too busy to think about it and their feelings were casualties of the week.

This sounds selfish and it is…but my career (particularly my feature) is the #1 most important thing to me right now and I am willing to sacrifice everything else to make it happen. I don’t want to regret not working as hard as I can to get what I want. Is that stupid? Naive? Not sure. I do worry about losing everyone in my life, and then where will I be? Alone with a movie? That doesn’t sound great either. I have trouble being alone/doing things alone as it is. Keeping people around me helps me not to spiral into depression. Besides that, I have amazing people in my life who deserve to get the love back that they give. Relationships, romantic or not, are 2 way streets.

I’m not sure what to do about this, other than try to make plans in advance with people I love and maybe have a limit to how many people I meet with on a networking basis each week. Anyone have a strategy that helps them balance paid work/personal work and their important relationships? Will I be able to be successful doing what I want (making my films full time) without alienating the people I love/who love me?

 

…that is the question.

You are not alone.