This past month has been intense, I’m not going to lie. I have recently experienced some very significant changes in my life (like, my parents moving out of my childhood home and getting out of a nearly 8 year relationship/having to move out of my apartment…) and it has shaken up my world a bit.
I have to laugh about it, really, because when I really start thinking about any of it I can’t help getting emotional. It’s not that these are bad changes, they are positive, and the right decisions, but I have been feeling caught in a cycle of mourning my “previous life.”
The worst thing about it is knowing that leaving my relationship meant losing my best friend. Even if we are able to be good friends again one day (which I hope we will be), we will never be the friends we were.
When I think about that, I can’t help but cry. (I cried just now as I wrote that last sentence…). This may relate to the fact that I am still in the process of moving, so everything is pretty fresh…all the time. I am human and I’m not embarrassed that I am feeling emotions and showing them, but I also don’t want to be a blubbering mess all the time.
The only way out of this is through and I feel grateful that I am capable of feeling things this strongly. It sounds weird but I am almost relishing in the experience of the emotion. It really makes me feel alive, and very connected to myself, in a way I haven’t felt previously. Can’t say it’s been bad for my creative brain, either.
CRYING IN PUBLIC // 12.16.17
Pop of a thought
Pings the right spot
As if that will stop it
Advertisements, they blur
Through the murky stream
Pulsing, infecting the corner
Escaping over the hump of a cheek
Catch it before they see.
If it weren’t me, I’d be looking,
Wondering what, why, how…
Everyone’s feeling something.
Hard not to show it.
…Dirty purse tissue,
Crusty and stiff,
Better than snotty sleeves.
I am still in a mourning period but I am crying less in public now (haha). It has helped to know a few other people who have recently gone through the same kinds of things. It’s proven to me time and time again, that knowing I’m not alone helps me. In general, I have an amazing community of friends and colleagues who have kept me busy and made me laugh so I am pretty lucky. (Thank you all!)
Will have some exciting movie-related news coming soon!!
[you are not alone]